lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
