I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
