stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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