this just has baby written all over it
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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