Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
