so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Randomize
