I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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