Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so that wasnt chicken after all
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
