you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I need to stop coming to work sober
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
