You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
