why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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