Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
