His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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