Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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