Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
