Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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