Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
