we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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