I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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