I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Your cock deserves a montage
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
