when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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