Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
