Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
