How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
whose parrot is this?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
