sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
