Welp...herpes.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
