Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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