your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
