she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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