if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
