Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
