The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
