well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
