Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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