and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
