and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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