I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
