I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
