Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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