So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
