I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
