Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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