..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
