Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
