Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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