Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
