gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
