You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
