just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I faked an abortion last night.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
cat food counts as protein by the way
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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