hotel room ftw
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
