Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Randomize
