I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
