You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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