don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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