Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
