Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
